Have You Ever?

Have you ever had a moment where you think about what you would say to someone if they ever asked you “if you could be anywhere right now; past, present, future, whatever. Where would you be? It’s kind of like being asked if you could take your dream vacation, describe it.

When Kelsie was still here, our most dreaded household chore was laundry. Like, we avoided it as often as possible. We finally sorted out that if she washed it, I would fold it because I was particular about whatever it is she thought I was particular about, probably socks. Now though I have to do all of it. But, like laundry is all fun and games until it has to be folded and put away. Which would explain the two loads I just dumped onto my bed so that I would be forced to finally fold them.

I started thinking about what I would give to have Kelsie alive, with me, in our old bedroom, folding laundry and helping me put it away. Actually, what I would give just to have her alive period. I don’t care about the wedding, or really anything. What I would give just to be able to have more of those boring, mundane moments. Whether it was just holding hands in the car, laying in bed before we fell asleep, sitting on the deck drinking coffee before we had to shower and get ready for church, walking the dogs, cooking together, or even just watching hockey and drinking cider after a shitty day at work.

Have you ever thought about what you would give to hear a loved one say “I love you” one last time after they have already passed? I have, but I don’t think I could ever give enough. Just for one more “I love you.” Just for one more hug. Just for one more dimpled smile. Just for one more look into those poop brown eyes. Just, for one more.

I wonder, have you ever…